On The Mothership

I love everything about her. Not in any cliche way, For she contains both love and cruelty. So warm and inviting, Yet harsh and unyielding As a fierce sea, I both love her, and fear her - I revere her. Unshakable as the mountains, Yet moved by subtle drop of rain, She is both Yin and Yang.

Swamp lands for miles and miles - little else grows out here. Riding home from the Outer Banks, NC, we pass a homestead with barren fields, and a produce stand with a sign that says only "sweet potatoes." The stand was empty. A ways back, I saw a sign from the local wildlife foundation that said "waterfowl impoundment." I can only think of ducks and the like sitting in little jail cells singing Folsom Prison Blues. There's a whole lot of nothing out here. The land is full of nothing, save for soybeans. Some tobacco.  Alternatively, you have places such as New York of Chicago, where the streets are taller than they are long, and they are crowded. photo by my friend, Danny Allen, NY Even NC's own Raleigh or Charlotte has plenty of hustle and bustle. Out here in rural eastern NC though, the buzz comes from the bees. If you relocated someone from one of the cities to here, I imagine you would receive one of two reactions. Regardless of h...

photo by Michael Buisha In the one-month wake of Big Thief's latest release, their third studio album, U.F.O.F., I would like to take a moment to talk about the band's direction with this album, track by track commentary, and what it might mean for their future albums. First off, as I started listening to this album upon its release, I wasn't quite sure what I thought at first, yet I find myself compelled to continue listening to the album, over and over again. Big Thief is one my favorite names in the indie scene, and I hoped this album wouldn't disappoint. A little less reliance on distinctive, solid melodies than prior albums, it allows the melody to play and wander. Exploratory in nature, which could be the overall tone of the album. Without anymore delay, let's get into the album. photo by Dustin Condren 1. Contact Great start to the album, atmospheric and surreal, perhaps one of the most polished tracks they've put out (polished meaning fol...

I sit writing this, one week away from graduation. I have spent the past week working on a paper until I thought I was going to lose my head over it. Turned in my portfolio last night. Only one final left. The final final. As one chapter of my life ends, and another is about to begin, I find myself reminiscing on the past two years. It's amazing just how much can happen in two years. In the time I have spent at Pfeiffer University, I have evolved in my creative outlets in ways I didn't expect. I had always wanted to call myself a poet, but I felt I lacked the skill or capability to write poetry that was "good." I felt that way for years. Fast forward to the fall semester of 2017, I'm sitting in Dr. Schwalm's creative writing class, with my final portfolio proposal of a collection of poetry. Fast forward to now, and I'm sitting on a rough draft of a poetry book comprised of 42 poems. And I'm still writing. Graduating with a BA in Studio Art ...

Two, maybe three, small, white pills a day. I am among an ever-growing population of people whose flight-or-fight is always triggered. Whose body believes it just ran a marathon after waking up in the morning. Who won't go anywhere new without detailing a step-by-step to follow in their mind of how to get there. My mind and my body betray me every day. My mind assaults me, throwing insults and filling the quiet spaces with "what if" until there is no more quiet and the intermission between thoughts becomes the main act. Rumination should be the eighth deadly sin. My body betrays me as my heart races and my chest hurts, my hands shake and my eyes tear up. I hate the feeling when my ears burn. I don't like being called upon during class. I only like being seen when I want to be seen. Anxiety is the great con artist. It will tell you lies until you believe them, and will make you paranoid beyond belief. I don't trust people. Anxiety makes it hard to let...

I am the sparrow. Small, fragile, I endure My pain is my migration Of which there is no end. I stay nervous, low to the ground As I try to get what I need. Seed, my stomach quivers As I flit from the air to the leaves And back again. I need my flock, so I know when to turn In flight, else my wings fumble And fold, as I dive Down to the trees to catch my breath I am stifled. I am the sparrow. I would fly but my wings won't work -- I am my cage. My mind inhibits me from flight. I hop from one branch to another Everywhere all at once, And I lose track too quickly Listening to my friends and lover speaking But I am everywhere all at once My mind is hopping from one branch to another The cycle, summer, winter, summer -- Happiness, hollow, happiness -- And I migrate. Back and forth North and South Winter and summer Hollow and happy, My migration is my pain. Back and forth, one branch to another I repeat -- Actions, thoughts, feelings, All in cycles T...

Winter brings you, The unpleasant cell-mate. O enemy, Must you terrify? You take from me what you want And leave nothing. O blue, I needed you Yet he took you too And covered me with his grey canopy. O wind, he turned you from a breeze To a blade And I choke on my lungs. O enemy, You take from me my joys And carve my heart hollow Is there nothing you cannot destroy? I yearn for the cover of the oak, And you have stripped her, too. You create isolation and breed loneliness. You've turned my heart cold And made my skull a cell. But enemy, I am owed redemption And I will take for my own what is due. And if the devil you may be, Then get behind me.

The heart I wear is not purple Too many families, spouses, and mothers Lose sons and daughters in combat For unidentified cause For senseless killing, Self-sacrifice for the self The war drafts en masse We all fight the same enemy And too many brothers and sisters Lost in combat. People don’t like to talk about It Newspapers try to glorify It Undermining those who have been through It Nobody chooses to go into the trench And nobody is willing to go into the trench voluntarily, To save their brother. Those who desert think it’s the easy way out But nobody likes to talk about how they treat you when you do Some place the blame on the enemy Others speak in hush tones of abandoning the fight People don’t like to talk about suicide I didn’t ask to go to war Yet I was drafted, all the same Sent to the trenches There I sat holding breath Knowing the enemy waited at ground level Waited to put me six feet under Waited to force my hand in aid I waited in the ...

This year has been an extraordinary year, with extreme highs and lows, pain and difficulties, love and happiness. I want to take a while to recap each month and recount some of the highlights of this year, as well as some of the low points. January: Came in with a bang. A month in which I was still working on finding my footing as a person, as most of the year has been. I started the month off in Raleigh, fulfilling one of my goals of trying new things. I went roller-blading and visited the NC Museum of Art. This was also the month I started really getting into David Byrne and the Talking Heads -- musical and philosophical influences that would help shape the rest of my year. Kicked off the second semester at Pfeiffer University. A challenging semester, but I managed to make it through without too many hiccups. The semester in which I took the digital photography class offered at the university -- a class that would help shape me as a photographer and give me the roots to really s...

_Talk to your friends (talking includes, but is not limited to words) _Breathe deeply _Eat things that make you feel good (not people, please) _Love deeply, unapologetically _Write. Write things for nobody to read _Remember, you don't owe anybody an explanation for your existence _There's always a song for how you feel. If not, write one _Walk outside, talk to a tree, talk to many trees. The trees will talk if you listen. _Make friends with one of those trees _Give it a name. Maybe Bobby. Or Margaret _The things you do don't always have to make sense _Remember that the universe is a lot bigger than you _Wish people a good day and mean it. Really mean it _Sing loud for the sunshine _Try new things, even if they’re scary (don’t kill yourself, please) _Thank the Sun for existing _Breathe in its life-giving rays _Remember that every winter must eventually come to an end _Don't be scared to change as often as the seasons, so long as it's for the bett...

It's pretty hard to believe that we've already completed the first month of 2018. New Year's Eve remains so vivid in my mind that it still feels like it was last night. If you've been following my blog since its creation, you might recall that the design has been revamped a few times, so naturally, entering the new year, it was time to bring the blog up to date with my current style. The New Year not only brought new ambitions and hopes, but new projects and experiences. 1) This year, I'm working on finishing up a project that I started late last year, which is a book of poems. It will be a series of self-portraits told through poetry, covering periods of my life from childhood, the present, and even some of the projected future. 2) Last December, I decided to discover new (to me, at least) music that I'm unfamiliar with. So this year (and potentially every year from now on), I will create a playlist on Spotify each month. The requirement is at least on...

Since I will being seeing the end of my senior year of high school in a few short weeks, I decided to compile a list of phrases and vivid imagery that my physics professor, Dr. Herrick, provided the class with last semester. It was one of my favorite classes I've taken and yes, I suppose I'm feeling a bit nostalgic for it. Without further adieu, I present: Physics Fun with Dr. Herrick: 1) "Suppose the cow is a circle..." 2) "For homework, you could come up with a nickname for Newton's 2nd Law of Motion" 3) "I'm like friction" 4) "Turn off the sun for extra credit!" 5) "What's wrong? Nothing, I just have to worry about supporting the weight of a mile long wrench" 6) "It's good to be blessed" 7) "The time for science is now" 8) "The earth is a lot more massive than you" 9) "Everything in the universe is ensnared in a web of gravitational attraction" ...

"New Year, New Me" is the phrase people always say, as if the turning of the clock from 11:59 p.m. to 12:00 a.m. on New Year'e Eve will miraculously change who they are. To believe this is to set ourselves up for disappointment. For three or four weeks into the new year, people become disappointed that their diets aren't helping them lose weight faster or they meant to spend an hour a day reading, but missed a couple days. Now they wonder if their efforts will really pay off. The problem is that we get impatient. We've all been conditioned to believe that everything should come to us quickly (advertisements promising faster service, faster results) and we lose our ability to be patient. After the ball drops at midnight and everyone has their last "hurrah!" of the year, we go about posting our resolutions on our social media pages and wait for feedback. The next couple of weeks roll by and we work on our resolutions with eagerness and anticipation, but ...

Yes, it has been a while, but so much has happened in the past month. Last month, my family and I took a weekend to redo my room. this included putting new paint on the walls and ceilings and buying some new things. We painted the room for hours. The longest part of the experience was waiting for paint to dry and yes, the expression "waiting for paint to dry" is accurate. We were painting those walls well past midnight. As it was, I ended up having to sleep on the couch. That was frustrating at times throughout the night when I was often woken up by cats (we have three). I did manage to make it through the night. I finished up the summer semester and only had two short weeks of break before I had to go back at it again for the fall semester (which started this Monday). This is going to be a (possibly) insane semester, and while I'm only a week into it, I don't feel the usual amount of stress that usually comes with the beginning of a semester. If anything, I'v...

Here we are again and yes, I missed last Friday. But that is not a problem. As what usually happens with creative people, I have reached a block with: 1) my writing 2) my art 3) keeping up with this here blog So there is only one thing little artistic me can do. Create pessimistic, existential comics. As well as spend hours online, trying to glean some inspiration from others. In all honesty, my time spent online probably is something like this: Which, with only two weeks left in the summer semester, isn't always the best thing. But some advice for my fellow creative people: -Even if you think what you are making is crap, it's not -Bad stuff = good stuff -You may discover a new interest in trying to work through your block -Your frustrations can actually come across as clever in any work you do -As an artist, you just might develop or pick up a new style, like I have with my little comics and illustrations, while still working through your block with ...

It is Friday, my dudes, and I have returned. I had planned to blog last Friday, but with it being the day before my birthday and all, I did not find the opportunity to do so, but now I am back. As just mentioned, it was my day of birth last Saturday. I have now lived my first week as 17 years old and to celebrate, these were some of the things that I did during my first week as a 17 year old: 1) bought my electric guitar (finally), after saving up money for months (and now I can check off one more goal for this year) 2) got my driver's license (after waiting in line for over an hour and a half) 3) bought many CDs the same day I got my license (Metallica, Def Leppard, and Jack White) That's about it, for new adventures, for the time being. My birthday was really great, but I was soon knocked back to reality that Sunday night when I had a ton of homework due that I had not yet started on (but that happens to me every Sunday, honestly). I only have four weeks left in...

Yes, I know this is the third Friday in June and the first time this month I've blogged, but I've been busy every Friday until now. Anyway. My summer classes have started and they're alright. I'm not particularly fond of my public speaking class though, but what can you do? Since both my classes are eight week courses, they move pretty fast, so my summer hasn't been much of a break. I haven't been working on my novel as much, unfortunately. I seem to have a bit of writer's block, but I know that there's really no such thing as writer's block. I know I just need to write, but when you're short on ideas, it's easier said than done. My part time job is going well. I'm learning a lot about ceramics and a couple other art forms, which is exciting. I'm still getting used to the job, but hopefully in a couple weeks, I'll be completely comfortable working there. I've been doing more reading lately than I did in the last mont...

I'm completely failing at the whole "blog each week" thing. There's not a reason for it other than my own procrastination. But whatever. I'm here to talk about stress and worry. Most of the people I know would likely say that I'm a pretty chill person. That's not to say that I don't get angry or worried or upset or excited or that I don't care about things, because I do all those things. However, rarely do I stress or worry excessively. Why? I've wondered this for a long time and asked myself the question often. I wasn't able to put it into words until just recently, while I was reading Jack Kerouac's book The Dharma Bums (a great book, by the way). One quote in particular caught my eye today as I was reading: "the earth is a fresh planet, why worry about anything?" Which, of course, got me thinking. In the context of eternity, out time spent on this planet is but a fraction of a second and yet, some people choose ...

After a brief and unnecessary hiatus, I have returned to the land of blogging. Quick update: -The semester ended yesterday -I have another part time job -I am taking summer classes, which start in June -Loads of other busy things The thing is, even though school has ended, things aren't calming down. They seem to only be speeding up and I wonder if I'll be able to keep up with everything. I thought that the semester ending would mean a lot of stresses ending, but honestly, I'm not feeling the stress lighten any. It feels like my brain is saying, "There are unidentifiable stresses so you should be anxious for no reason and feel moderately upset at nothing." Heck is this. Hopefully, within the next week or so, I'll fall into a semi-normal routine in which my brain accepts that school is now over. Sorry if this was short, but it's only an update. Peace and may the Force be with you, my dudes.

You might be thinking, "Gee, Emma, are we ever going to get back to that series you so enthusiastically introduced to us a few weeks back?" Yes, we'll get back to that eventually, but this is my blog and I'll post what I feel most like posting. It's taking me some time to put together the next post in the "A Matter of Perspective" series, so just bear with me. So today. Today has been rather chill. I did a ton of sociology homework, wrote a couple hundred words of my novel, and finally finished up a little project I had planned for a while. All through this, I had my radio playing in the background. Rock music, of course. Some of it I didn't really like, but there's been Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, Guns N' Roses, Metallica, etc. so I've been satisfied. I've been taking some time in the past few weeks to do some new wall decorations and that has greatly improved my mood. I made: 1) A paper crane mobile that now hangs fro...