Interview With Myself - On Love
What does love mean to you?
-That’s a tricky question isn’t it? Love can mean so many things to each person, but to me, I think love means great affection and admiration of someone. Love isn’t wanting someone because of the things they do for you, it’s wanting to do things for them because you want to. Not because you’re asked to. Love is giving.
Are you saying you don’t love people that do things for you?
-No, because it’s easy to feel love for someone when they do things for you, but that’s because when they do, you can see the kindness in their heart and then you admire them for that. And I don’t think love is something you feel for someone at certain times, but all the time. Love is also consistency, it’s always there. Now, liking someone, that’s a different thing. Love looks past shortcomings, but sometimes someone will do something that will make you like them less in that moment, but that doesn’t always mean that you love them less. If you do, then I don’t think that’s really love.
So love is a sort of exchange, then?
-A lot of the times, yes, there’s a give and take involved in a relationship, and friendships, even. But it’s not always a one-to-one ratio. Sometimes it’s just an understanding of each other. That’s a special kind of love, when two people just understand each other.
You mention that love is consistent, so does that limit the opportunity to change?
-Absolutely not. I don’t think anyone should try to limit themselves or keep themselves from changing. Sometimes consistency means constant change. I think it’s important to keep a relationship from stagnating, and try to make sure that it’s always evolving and growing, even if it’s in little ways. The little things can be important, you know.
I’m not sure I understand what you mean by the little things.
-Well, the little things can be conversations you have with someone, or an experience you share. Sometimes asking simple questions about somebody can lead to a greater conversation, kind of like what we’re doing right now. You ask a seemingly simple question, but the answer takes a long time to unpack.
Can loving someone be hard?
-I don’t think it should have to be hard. It kind of goes back to the difference between loving someone and liking someone. I’ve had friends who I’ve loved but had a hard time liking at times because of things they would say, or choices they would make. But just because I may not have liked them very much, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t love them.
Are you still friends with those people?
-No, we don’t talk much anymore.
Why not?
-Because they believed that you had to like someone to be kind to them. Or that you had to understand someone to be friends with them. Something like that, I think. I'm not sure and do not understand, but that's okay. I’ve had plenty of friends very different than me that I did not understand, but I was still friends with them because I know that people are different, and the way people act can differ. I don’t want everyone to be like me. Life would get a bit boring, don’t you agree?
I do. Now, I’d like to shift gears a bit here and talk about your recent engagement.
-Ah yes, of course. My engagement to my best friend.
How long had you been friends before you entered a romantic relationship with him?
-Around five and a half years.
Five and a half years. And had he been in love with you that whole time?
-He had.
So why did you wait so long?
-I think sometimes the things that we want and the things that we need don’t always come to us when we think they should. I had wanted to be in a relationship for some time, but I don’t think it was what I needed at the time. I think what I needed until the summer of 2018 was a close friend, you know, someone who I could rely on. And that person happened to be Isaiah.
When did you realize that he meant more to you than a friend?
-There was a car accident I was in that July, and I remember sitting in a Mexican restaurant, waiting on my parents to arrive, and the one person that I really wanted sitting beside me was Isaiah. I remember thinking that he was the one person that could comfort me.
But he couldn’t comfort you as a friend?
-He was able to, yes. We texted back and forth a bit while I was sitting in the restaurant, but not too much because my phone was dying.
If he was able to comfort you, then, how did you realize that he meant more than a friend?
-I think there’s a certain connection, a sort of bond that comes from wanting someone, in anyway. I was sitting there, wanting him to be with me. Even at that time, the thought of him was comforting, and that’s not something that I have with a lot of my friends.
Your friends don’t comfort you?
-No, they do, but I’m the kind of person who generally doesn’t need emotional support from a lot of people. Usually I need it from certain people, and at that time, I felt that Isaiah was the only one who could really comfort me on the level I needed with what I was going through.
So, you felt that he was the only one who could understand your pain at the time?
-I did, and that’s when I realized how much he knows me, and it’s really special when someone knows you like that.
Now, you’re currently living in North Carolina, but your fiance lives in Indiana, correct?
-That’s right.
So how does that affect the relationship? Not trying to be too personal, but I know a lot of people don’t believe that long distance can work.
-It can be difficult, yes, at times. But any relationship can have its difficulties. The thing with long distance is finding ways to spend time together, and ways to make the distance seem a lot shorter.
How much distance is there?
-548 miles.
What ways have you found to make the distance feel shorter?
-Well, he and I like to watch movies at the same time while we video chat. And during the week, when I’m at school and in the evenings when he’s at work, it makes me really value the time that we do spend together. Sometimes, he’s able to visit for usually about a week, and those are the best times. Of course, we send each other packages in the mail. And I like to wear his cologne.
You wear his cologne?
-I do. It’s difficult to be so far away from someone you love. I think about how scent is the strongest sense for memory recall. And when I wear his cologne, I can breathe deeply and imagine that he was there in front of me just a moment ago. Then, it almost feels like he’s not so far away, not 548 miles away.
When will you be seeing him again?
-In April. He’ll be visiting for my senior exhibition.
Which is part of your undergraduate course of study, yes?
-Yes, it’s the final step in completing the studio arts program.
-That’s a tricky question isn’t it? Love can mean so many things to each person, but to me, I think love means great affection and admiration of someone. Love isn’t wanting someone because of the things they do for you, it’s wanting to do things for them because you want to. Not because you’re asked to. Love is giving.
Are you saying you don’t love people that do things for you?
-No, because it’s easy to feel love for someone when they do things for you, but that’s because when they do, you can see the kindness in their heart and then you admire them for that. And I don’t think love is something you feel for someone at certain times, but all the time. Love is also consistency, it’s always there. Now, liking someone, that’s a different thing. Love looks past shortcomings, but sometimes someone will do something that will make you like them less in that moment, but that doesn’t always mean that you love them less. If you do, then I don’t think that’s really love.
So love is a sort of exchange, then?
-A lot of the times, yes, there’s a give and take involved in a relationship, and friendships, even. But it’s not always a one-to-one ratio. Sometimes it’s just an understanding of each other. That’s a special kind of love, when two people just understand each other.
You mention that love is consistent, so does that limit the opportunity to change?
-Absolutely not. I don’t think anyone should try to limit themselves or keep themselves from changing. Sometimes consistency means constant change. I think it’s important to keep a relationship from stagnating, and try to make sure that it’s always evolving and growing, even if it’s in little ways. The little things can be important, you know.
I’m not sure I understand what you mean by the little things.
-Well, the little things can be conversations you have with someone, or an experience you share. Sometimes asking simple questions about somebody can lead to a greater conversation, kind of like what we’re doing right now. You ask a seemingly simple question, but the answer takes a long time to unpack.
Can loving someone be hard?
-I don’t think it should have to be hard. It kind of goes back to the difference between loving someone and liking someone. I’ve had friends who I’ve loved but had a hard time liking at times because of things they would say, or choices they would make. But just because I may not have liked them very much, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t love them.
Are you still friends with those people?
-No, we don’t talk much anymore.
Why not?
-Because they believed that you had to like someone to be kind to them. Or that you had to understand someone to be friends with them. Something like that, I think. I'm not sure and do not understand, but that's okay. I’ve had plenty of friends very different than me that I did not understand, but I was still friends with them because I know that people are different, and the way people act can differ. I don’t want everyone to be like me. Life would get a bit boring, don’t you agree?
I do. Now, I’d like to shift gears a bit here and talk about your recent engagement.
-Ah yes, of course. My engagement to my best friend.
How long had you been friends before you entered a romantic relationship with him?
-Around five and a half years.
Five and a half years. And had he been in love with you that whole time?
-He had.
So why did you wait so long?
-I think sometimes the things that we want and the things that we need don’t always come to us when we think they should. I had wanted to be in a relationship for some time, but I don’t think it was what I needed at the time. I think what I needed until the summer of 2018 was a close friend, you know, someone who I could rely on. And that person happened to be Isaiah.
When did you realize that he meant more to you than a friend?
-There was a car accident I was in that July, and I remember sitting in a Mexican restaurant, waiting on my parents to arrive, and the one person that I really wanted sitting beside me was Isaiah. I remember thinking that he was the one person that could comfort me.
But he couldn’t comfort you as a friend?
-He was able to, yes. We texted back and forth a bit while I was sitting in the restaurant, but not too much because my phone was dying.
If he was able to comfort you, then, how did you realize that he meant more than a friend?
-I think there’s a certain connection, a sort of bond that comes from wanting someone, in anyway. I was sitting there, wanting him to be with me. Even at that time, the thought of him was comforting, and that’s not something that I have with a lot of my friends.
Your friends don’t comfort you?
-No, they do, but I’m the kind of person who generally doesn’t need emotional support from a lot of people. Usually I need it from certain people, and at that time, I felt that Isaiah was the only one who could really comfort me on the level I needed with what I was going through.
So, you felt that he was the only one who could understand your pain at the time?
-I did, and that’s when I realized how much he knows me, and it’s really special when someone knows you like that.
Now, you’re currently living in North Carolina, but your fiance lives in Indiana, correct?
-That’s right.
So how does that affect the relationship? Not trying to be too personal, but I know a lot of people don’t believe that long distance can work.
-It can be difficult, yes, at times. But any relationship can have its difficulties. The thing with long distance is finding ways to spend time together, and ways to make the distance seem a lot shorter.
How much distance is there?
-548 miles.
What ways have you found to make the distance feel shorter?
-Well, he and I like to watch movies at the same time while we video chat. And during the week, when I’m at school and in the evenings when he’s at work, it makes me really value the time that we do spend together. Sometimes, he’s able to visit for usually about a week, and those are the best times. Of course, we send each other packages in the mail. And I like to wear his cologne.
You wear his cologne?
-I do. It’s difficult to be so far away from someone you love. I think about how scent is the strongest sense for memory recall. And when I wear his cologne, I can breathe deeply and imagine that he was there in front of me just a moment ago. Then, it almost feels like he’s not so far away, not 548 miles away.
When will you be seeing him again?
-In April. He’ll be visiting for my senior exhibition.
Which is part of your undergraduate course of study, yes?
-Yes, it’s the final step in completing the studio arts program.
Well, this is all the time we have for now, so until the next interview, I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you have a good final semester.
-Thank you, this has been a real pleasure.
--
Note: This is the first in a series of interviews with myself that I plan to continue soon, each on a different topic. If you have questions or topics that you'd like to see in a future interview, let me know! Have a lovely week, you wonderful humans!
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